So I happen to see the four and above year olds re-enact various
wedding scenes during recess..scenes varying from:
(If only it were that uncomplicated, and didn't involve the in-laws and
getting to know each others' gross flaws)
to...
“ill marry you then 6 minutes later ITS OVER”(again..if only-you
haven’t met lawyers yet)(true story by the way. Little girl was on a make-believe phone
having this convo with her make believe boyfriend. He’s lame though for
proposing via phone)..
These sandpit weddings got me thinking of real life weddings, and how
lame they are, and how i just don’t get them...especially in these here parts
of the world...WEDDING ARE JUST NOT GETTABLE!!
So i got to wondering WHY I don’t get weddings..
1)
They’re supposed to be a celebration
Whenever I ask why
weddings happen and why we have weddings and why weddings are lame people
always tell me: “weddings are fun. They’re CELEBRATIONS. We’re supposed to have
fun and celebrate. It’s like a big party!” Except its not! They’re the opposite
of fun. Coz they’re not.
Parties are truly
fun..people dance, people sing, people hug, people eat cake, drink and are
merry, people talk animatedly and have fun.
At weddings, our
dancing is lame, nobody listens to singers, our hugs are lame air kisses, we
barely get cake, we don’t drink and aren’t merry, when we talk merrily
someone’s great aunt is shushing us>>that’s not a celebration, that's a
lame-bration..
2)
They’re expensive
Still on the story
of parties..if someone proposes to me that I should have a party, and I
think..”hmm,I really really want a party bad & can’t wait a whole year to
have a party”, I’d really just whatsapp
a bunch of people over, wouldn’t decorate the house, dish out a deck of cards, ask ‘em all to bring
their own whatevers, and have a great fun party in my pjs! No Expenses
Whatsoever! There wouldn’t be any meetings to plan the party-like why are we
meeting to plan the party, that’s what Whatsapp is for. We wouldn’t be worried
that someone invited someone else unexpectedly, because that someone else would
just bring a bag of crisps and the party would continue..
But really, a
wedding..with all the pre-weddings, post weddings, after weddings, honeymoons,
thankyou cards, and the “celebration” itself..bloody expensive outfits, rented
cars (really, do we rent cars to go to work? Or to go to church? THEN WHY TO
WEDDINGS??),
rings-who needs
rings-we know we’re married,innit?,the food..jeez the food,that’s a whole other
story..
3)
They involve flowers
I’ve noticed flowers
play an UNNECESSARILY HUGE role in weddings..
I don’t get it.
Basically, if you were to have a party-the
simple BYOB poker party, would flowers play an important part of it?..
4)
What are we wearing?
Why are we standing
so long?
Why are they
rehearsed?
Why does my outfit cost
Ksh.35,000/-? And it’s rented? And I’ll wear it only once?
Why do my shoes
hurt?
Why do I have fake
nails?
Why is my hair
super-glued to my face?
Why do we stand? At
parties i don’t stand-I either sit or dance, but why am I standing-especiallly
if I’m the “guest-of-honour”?
Why do we rehearse?
Is this a play?
Do we rehearse the simple BYOB poker party?
5)
There are old people
“Shhhh..”, hisses
some old lady. “Krrrr, have some respect..”,spits some old man.
Who are they
and why are they there?
Apparently, we’re related, and they matter, and they
travelled ALL THE WAY from a location that’s UN-GPS’ABLE in a van that YOU PAID
FOR to stay in a hotel THAT YOU PAID FOR to attend a wedding THAT YOU PAID FOR
to eat lame food THAT YOU BOUGHT which ALL THE OTHER YOUNG PEOPLE DONT LIKE to
sit on SPECIAL SEATS RESERVED FOR THEM that YOU PAID FOR even though YOU DON’T
KNOW THEM to SHUSSHHH your REAL FRIENDS who have come TO TRULY CELEBRATE YOU
AND PARTY not BE OLD. DO YOU NOT SEE THE RIDICULOUSITY OF THIS WHOLE
SITUATION????
6)
They’re SOOO long
Okay so parties are
generally long. They generally last all night long. Because they’re fun.
School lasts a
particular duration, with each lesson being scheduled for a shorter period of
time. Work is also structured to an average period of time..generally. That’s
because those two things are BORING.
So why weddings
cause you to read the entire bible, and write your own short commentary-I Don’t
Know! THEY’RE LIKE A GAZILLION YEARS LONG!
7)
Everybody’s fighting
At parties nobody
fights. Okay, I lie-drunk people fight, dumb people who don’t like their faces
fight..but at weddings>>that grand aunt & her grander sibling are
fighting because they want you to sing a particular song and dance in a
particular way..*FACE PALM*
8)
Nobody’s having fun
Have I not been
talking for the past number 1 to 7..?
9)
Food-sigh..where do I begin, the lines, the
lack, the grossness, the awkwardness, the lameness..my solutions:
a)
Pizza for all
b)
It’s just a couple of hours..who will seriously
malnourish and faint after a couple of hours without food??>>that grand
aunt will, which brings me to ask again-WHY IS SHE THERE?
10)
They're lame!!!!
fine print:if
any parties have been/will be/force themselves to be offended by any statement
in this post and/or are planning to have a wedding and/or are reading this at a
wedding and thinking WHAT NOT TRUE my apologies.
finer print:No bride/groom was hurt in
the making of this.
No comments:
Post a Comment