The One Where *CAROLS* Tis The Season to be Jolly tralalalala lala lala

Tis the season, Jingle Bells, Silent Night and yo ho ho and a bottle of rum (that’s not just for Christmas though :D).

Basically..Christmas is heeeereee. My favourite season. The season of my favourite colour (RED in case you’re wondering). The season of lights, the decorated malls, the scary local black-as heck Santa, the Jacaranda flowers (PURPLE J), holiday for once with almost everyone (except for doctors, reporters, radio broadcasters, caterers, photographers, waiters, waitresses, call centre people, event planners..ok clearly holiday is still for just the teachers, and retired folks. So basically it’s still just me and the parents >_<).

For us at work Christmas began ages ago, way before we closed for the holidays. Lights were hung (not really), crafts made, presents wrapped and candy eaten (which is all year round, really). Most important, preparations for the end term Christmas play had been stressing us for the past coupla weeks before we closed. Characters were chosen, lines memorized, costumes made and songs rehearsed. Sounds so precious, doesn’t it?

It’s not.

Sidebar and on that note: I don’t get child stars. I don’t know what they eat out there in Hollywood to make most of those kiddie actors and actresses so magnificent.

Fine, there are those who have Will Smith’s genes in them, but howsabout the rest of the normal folk?

See, rehearsals for our play had not been quite as smooth as they could be. 

So here’s the Nativity Story, for those who don’t know, and what it actually turned into with our Christmas Play.

Intro: What is the meaning of Christmas? Narrator asks.

WHAT IT SHOULD BE:

Chorus answer: Celebrating the birthday of Jesus!!!!

WHAT IT IS:

One dull response. Yawns. Playing. Sleeping.

Scene One:

Narrator: Mary is in the house when she gets a visit from the Angel Gabriel.

WHAT IT SHOULD BE:

Angel: Greetings, you who are the chosen one. Don’t be afraid for God has chosen you among many. You shall have a baby.

Mary: How shall this be?

Angel: He shall be born of the Holy Spirit so the Holy Bible says.

<insert song: Long Time Ago in Bethlehem>

WHAT IT IS:

Angel Gabriel and Mary already on set before their time.

Angel: Greetings!

Angel looks at us. We cue her lines.

Angel: You will have a baby born of the Hory Spirit.

Mary laughs.

She then forgets her stage directions and loses concentration.

Other random characters pushing and pulling to get on stage. The entire play begins, first off, with everyone pretty much in the manger already, rolling around with the props, throwing around Baby Jesus and sitting in Mary and Joseph’s chairs.

Scene 2:

Narrator: Mary had been engaged to Joseph, and when he heard that she was to have a baby he was afraid. Angel Gabriel appeared to him in his sleep.

WHAT IT SHOULD BE:

Angel: Joseph, don’t be afraid. Take Mary as your wife and the baby she has. You shall name him Jesus Christ.

<insert song: A Baby Will Be Born>

WHAT IT IS:

Once during rehearsal, a little 2 year old felt the need to roll onto Josephs ‘mattress’ and fall asleep beside him. It was very awkward explaining that to Mary.

Scene 3:

Narrator: Joseph takes Mary to Bethlehem and there she had baby Jesus.

WHAT IT SHOULD BE:

<insert Oh Come All Ye Faithful>

Since they had no house to live in, they sheltered in a manger. This is a place where sheep, cows, goats and horses are kept!

<insert Away In a Manger>

Three wise men saw a star in the East that led them to the manger.

(enter animals and Shepherds)

<insert Following A Star and Twinkle Twinkle>

They entered into the manger and saw the baby. They were so overjoyed they gave the baby gifts.

<insert We Three Kings>

(Enter the entire cast, including the kiddie choir)

<insert a couple more songs here>

END

WHAT IT IS:

A mess.

END

How off would this play be if the Nativity story actually happened the way the kids acted it? Lotsa infidelity and talking animals.

Another thing, our stage directions were met so literally that one child even fell asleep when we said ‘pretend to be sleeping’. The other kept flapping her arms as an angel until lunchtime-until we told her to stop. Wonder what would have happened if we didn’t tell her to stop.

As for the little divas who ALL wanna solo. Or the little animals that stand up and dance. Or the 3 Wise Men unwrapping Jesus’ gifts for themselves. Or the black baby Jesus. Or the kid with the toy phone on set. Or the line that says, “..and they were all overjoyed when they saw the baby” then they all do somersaults and jumping jacks to express their joy. Or the stars that ran away from stage. Or the angels that fight. Or the song lyrics: “Njeri had a little baby”? Who’s Njeri? And why are we talking about her?

However, it’s that little touch that these kiddies put that make this stuff blockbuster material. 

In Kindergarten World.

P.S. on the day of the performance the kiddies killed it. Yeh they forgot their lines. And cues.  Some burst in to tears. Some literally froze on stage. Some forgot they were on stage, and fought, or slept. But it was a magical performance. The best show I’ve ever seen.

Have a Magical Christmas y’all J

The One With The 'Perks' of Dating a Teacher

I always see nice lists all over the internet entitled

‘The cons of dating a guitarist,

‘How does it feel to be a Chef’s wife’ 

or

‘Why you should date a reporter’. 

So I was like ‘HEEEYY! HEEEYYY INTERNET!!! TEACHERS EXIST TOO’.

So I searched the nets to look for a list on ‘Reasons to date a teacher’, and found MAAANNY reasons (yay Net), most of which were wanting (boo NET). 

So, I decided to compile a list of my own of the perks of dating a teacher, from a teacher’s Point of View.

Here’s the original list I got from this 'ere website:

Here are 15 reasons to date a teacher:

1. They’re conversationalists. All day long, teachers work to connect with students of all kinds of backgrounds, intellectual levels and work ethics.
2. Teachers can charm parents. They meet with them a lot, and know how to put people at ease. Date a teacher, and you won’t have to stress about the inevitable meet-the-parents dinner.
3. Teachers adapt quickly, whether it’s welcoming new students or embracing new curriculum. Change doesn’t faze them.
4. Teachers can explain the same thing in a variety of ways until a point is made effectively, making sure that miscommunication doesn’t hurt the relationship.
5. Teachers are patient. At least the good ones are.
6. Teachers are great with kids. So if you’re looking for the parent of your future kids, a teacher is a great candidate.
7. Teachers are up on the latest lingo and pop-culture trends. If you want to know what’s hip with kids these days, your date will know.
8. They have the summer off — and all holidays.
9. Coming up with fun, creative solutions to problems is part of their day job. Teachers make problem-solving fun!
10. Teachers have great — and predictable — hours. You can plan consistent date nights with ease.
11. If you had a crush on a teacher as a youngster, now’s your chance to finally date one — legally.
12. Date a teacher and you’ll be dating someone who is shaping future leaders. Yes, your date is super-influential.
13. Teachers don’t tolerate bullying or intolerance. They stand up for those around them.
14. Everyone has a favorite teacher they look back on fondly. You’re likely dating someone’s hero.
15. You’re a respectful, mature adult. At the end of a crazy week, your presence will be a welcome break from adolescent angst.

So cute, but really you know, not entirely true. And according to the internet, apparently we’re this:

Here’s a true depiction of that list.

1.    Apparently we have meaningful adult conversation because we interact with kids from different cultures all the time and when the chance comes, we love grown-up intellectual convos.

2.   We really don’t. Really, we work with KIDS all day long. The only convos we have go like “W0rrZ@p Miz G G, wot da FCuk is dis?”. Yeah, very intellectual.

3.   Apparently we can charm parents coz we deal with parents daily.

4.   Ermm...we’re teachers not super beings. Meeting the parents is still the same, if not scarier.

5.   Apparently teachers are good at explaining the same thing in several ways in order to communicate effectively.

6.   That in a relationship is called Nagging, no?

7.   Apparently were patient.

8.   PAHAHAHH!!! seriously weren’t your teachers some of the most impatient people ever?

9.   Apparently we ask straight forward, real questions and would never beat around the bush while dating, because we’re teachers.

10.               You must remember conversations like...

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: errmm..

Teacher: I don’t want to hear any excuses”.

Or

Students complain that nothing that was taught is on the test.

Teacher:it’s not my job to teach everything that will come on the test.

Or

Teacher: You, what are you doing?

Student: Sir I’m..

Teacher: DON’T TALK BACK AT ME!

11.  Apparently we love kids.

12.               Teachers hate kids.

13.               Apparently we care loads for ‘moulding the future generation’ so much so that pay doesn’t matter.

14.               Laughs.

15.               Apparently we have loadsa ‘free’ dating time (good hours)

16.               We do, but everyone else doesn’t.

17.               Apparently we’re cool, trendy and stay in touch with the latest ‘lingo’.

18.               Laughs again.

19.               Apparently we’re respectful, mature adults who like respectful mature adult time.

20.              Are you not reading this blog?

But Hey!! Atleast 11.689% of teachers are pretty, and not fat, old or wear dusty old tweed coats and teacher pumps. 5% are dating. 98.333% are married. And 2% are sorta rich/cool/doing well for themselves/not weird. And the other 0.15% have a blog.

So I have hope?

The One Where The Pool On Holiday Reminds Me Of The Kiddie Pool on swimming day.

Thursday is swimming day! The day that instills both dread and dread (it's really just dread) in my heart. However, the antics that happen at the pool crack me up, from the wailing, to the "I could be a professional swimmer and throw myself into the big pool though I can barely walk" stunts. But those are stories for another day.

I had a week off from work(it’s called midterm :-/ not something grown-up like leave) and decided to pack up my backpack and head on down to the coast (wow, don’t I sound like the spontaneous backpacker?

In reality,

this trip had been planned for a couple of weeks and I packed my suitcase not a random satchel and compass-so I am not a  spontaneous backpacker).

Being by the pool triggered sooo many images from our swimming lessons with my class (ranging from age 1 and a half to 3 year olds) and I couldn’t help but notice how a typical holiday destination pool is so similar to a Kindergarten pool.

There is always the INNAPROPRIATE HALF NUDE PERSON. Sometimes, my kiddies don’t have their cossies packed but still really want to swim. Even if it means in the buff.

And swim they do, with their little tightey whiteys or sometimes..they just put on their birthday suits and jump into the pool (by jump I mean crawl in whilst burning on the hot ground).

By the poolside at the coast, there is also that grandpa with microscopic speedo pants, or grandpa with her loose, unstrapped bikini. And ofcourse she goes through that awkward woopsie moment where the string comes untangled and we see abit too much of grandma than necessary.

Funny thing is, she never sees anything wrong with it, so we all casually act like life is normal and we’re not experiencing a mini heart-attack within.

Then we have the HIDER. Some of the lil kiddies are petrified of the water, and only show their petrification once we've struggled to change them, inflate their armbands and splash their bodies with sunscreen.

Then they hide.

ANYWHERE.

Likewise, there is always that person who puts on their bathing suit, sunscreen and hat then peeps from the shelter of their room balcony and sneers at the pool, the sun, and the people frolicking in the pool. Next time maybe take your holiday in the mountains instead of wasting your money on sunscreen and flippers to just hide in your room.

There is always the SLEEPY HEAD. As I said in this post kids sleep anywhere, and several times I’ve had to pick up children who're fast asleep by the pools’ edge(or in the pool) and take them to the safety of dry land. The same goes for holidayers on holiday. Not just anywhere, but also, the WHOOLEE day as well.

Like, why did you leave the room in the first place?

Then there is the person with ALL THAT PROTECTION. Because kids are kids, they need their sunscreen, hats, lifejackets, armbands,  ring floaters and all that until you can barely see them.

Sometimes they’re sooo bundled up though, I feel that all the inflatable items on them will carry them away when a strong gust of wind comes by. Then there are those who, due to either religion of morbid fear of sunburn(and/or drowning) bundle up from head to toe with hats, snorkels, fins, full body suit cossies that look like they’re about to attend a black tie event.

The one who TAKES THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY. There is always that swimmer who thinks this is the Olympics, and takes every damn thing a tad too serious.

And I always have that child who thinks every swimming lesson is a chance to drown their classmate, and prove that they learnt how to kick the hardest or ‘tread the water’ the best.

Unfortunately, all other comparisons got lost due to sunburn and heatstroke.

Learn to swim folks!

The One Where Kids Say(and do) the Darndest things

They REALLY do! 

Here’s a compilation of some of the crazy, sweet, unimaginable, silly things I hear on a daily basis<<and these are only those I can remember.

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There are these two girls who allegedly look alike. One says to me, “Look. Look at us we’re same. Look we look together..”. She then proceeds to shout at her lookalike, saying, “Kuja tufanane”(come we look alike).

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3 year old with UNBELIEVABLE hair, on the swings, swinging.
 

Her: Teacher..Teacher look my hair. My hair is RAINING!!

I was thinking more along these lines..

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Three-year-old singing<in the Cutest British Accent>, “Baby Jesus, Baby Jesus. I love you, I love you. You are my baby, you are my bruva, all the time..and your name is Junior!”<<That is how remixes need to be done.

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OVERHEARD 6 year olds fake phone convo by the sandpit.

“Hello I’ve cancelled the wedding so you better not look for me and..back off..”

Poor imaginary Fiance.

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Me to child(at naptime):Goodnight. Ms. Gathoni Loves ya!

Child:Yes

Me: who loves ya?

Child: Guka (Grandpa).

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(Average) 5-6 yr old boys playing Rock-Paper-Scissors.

Me: what are we playing?

Them: ROCK PAPER SCISSORS

Me:aha..let me join *insert "I’ve got this" expression, afterall, I’ve been playing this game at least a decade longer than them*

Me: Rock paper scissors..I win..

Me: Rock paper scissors..I win..

Me:Rock paper scissors..I win. Again.

Boy 1: Nope..

What started off as an innocent childrens’ game...

Me: what? No..but..

Soon turned into (futuristic and not very realistic) warfare..

 Boy 1: because I’ve shot you with my laser gun and you are melting.

Me: ahh no you..aii

Boy 2: I’ve removed my grenade and blown you away..

Me: eh O.o

Boy 1: and now I’ve entered my invisible rocket and flown into space to shoot you with it.

Me: um..it’s really not that..

Boy1 : uppercut flying kick. WE WIN!!

Me: BAH!! *walks away*

Talk about SORE LOSERS!