The One With The Report Cards

So this is a post I was planning to put up about 2 months ago. Then I didn’t. So that sucks. But many people (that’s a lie) ask me how it is being a Kindergarten teacher; what we teach, how we grade, am I just a better paid baby sitter (the answer is No. baby sitters even get to make free phone calls<<this statement should give a hint as to which generation I was born in)(this is because I’m not quite sure myself).

So here’s what happens. The academic year is up. It’s always an emosh process watching the tots grow and remembering where they came from. Also, there's reports and assessments; basically cramming an academic years-three terms- alphabets, shapes, colours and numbers in one week (I didn’t actually just write that. You’ve read your own things). Thankfully there are no exams or anything for this age group 'coz I don’t know what that would look like.

 Well done, definitely Harvard material!!

So in Kindergarten we assess(doesn’t that word look weird when you first scroll by it. Assess. 
Assess. 
Assess. 
Assess. 
I think I’m spelling it wrong. Now I’m confused. Assess.) the lil ones based on an acronym known as PILES-Physical, Intellectual, Language Development, Emotional development and Social skills. Rather, that’s what I was advised when I first joined Kindergarten (as a teacher. Not 20 something years ago) and so far so good.

Grading is as follows:

SUBJECT/CATEGORIES	GRADE
	Excellent (A*)	Good (A)	It’s never that serious (A-)	For God’s sake I’m only 3 years old (Slightly lower than A- A)	We’ll leave that to the next teacher (A still)
Physical
Can run for at least 20 seconds without falling	ü
Can throw a ball without it magically frisbeeing back to me				ü
Intellectual
Can count 1-20					ü
Ok 10					ü
5?					ü
No pressure,just say number one?					ü
Ok I'll take you creepily staring at me.	ü
Language
Can you speak language; any at all?				ü
Scratch that, can your teacher at least understand you, somewhat?		ü
Emotional
Still cry, a lot, at nothing really					(Teacher’s note: you two would get along just fine)
Still cry, a lot less, at nothing really	ü
Social
Would rather play Ben 10 outside than participate in circle time with the teacher	ü
General comments Your child has performed incredibly well this term. Emotionally, they’ve progressed from tantrums to mild tantrums at the mention of no sweets. They frequently hug and kiss their peers, yes on the lips, and for that we award them an A. It’s definitely better than the other option of biting and scratching. We suggest that you work on insert a lot of diplomatic speak to basically say you don’t whoop your child enough and that’s why you wonder why they get away with destroying an entire aisle in the super market yet you “reason” with them at any given chance.

But really, our report cards look a lot like these ones I found online, which I was too busy, too lazy, and/or secretly hoping you wouldn’t notice to give links. Just google ‘diplomatic, kind and truthful endterm report card comments that won’t hurt parents feelings.

Hey I still struggle with tying my laces. VELCRO PEOPLE, VELCRO!

Is there a grade for ‘my teacher is breathing down my neck as I tick these so I’ll just tick 5’?

For me, it’d be “I can do math...wait, typo. I can’t do math.”

Also, I saw this online when I was working on my reports (and no I did not google ‘diplomatic, kind and truthful endterm report card comments that won’t hurt parents feelings’) and found it..tru…sorry no, meant interesting..

Happy Saturday!!