The One With The Scariest Job In The World

My job can be the scariest job ever. Not just because I hear things like,

or 

But also because kids are the most fragile,delicate clients one can ever have. They're also the most energetic clients,putting their fragility at an even bigger risk. 
 

It’s like having a very invaluable piano player, with insured hands,

Slash Rugby Player..
 

 With ADHD

and a tendency to want to put his hand(s) inside of a meat grinder

whilst dangling off a tree.

Just because he's can. That's a child for you.

(and some people say they’re cute..!!)

THEY’RE NOT!!!

THEY’RE EVIL WITH EVIL INTENTIONS!


 

I digress..

One particularly scary story I remember..
There's this boy I taught once,a particularly extra fragile, invaluable boy who also had an extra dose of energy. One day after playtime he came to class all red faced and sweaty,as per the norm,and we all went in class for the next session. I had to step out to look for a lost sheep,so I left the children under the watchful eye of the assistant teacher.

Fast forward>> I find the lost child & were walking back to class as I reprimand him for getting lost, when I hear running footsteps,and a scream.

"Gathoni..Gathoni..!" I look up & see the assistant teacher carrying that same redfaced boy-except he's now redfaced, unconscious and frothing from his mouth.

Now you picture you, and what you would do in such a situation...

Me: *calls on God, gets on next bus to airport, sneaks into planes cargo holder, lands wherever I can,shaves head & bleaches skin, sells nuts by roadside, owns multimillion nut selling empire called,'They're nuts,you're nuts,we're all nuts",never goes back home'*

 
I grab the limp boy & rushed him to the sickbay. Vaguely remembering his mum telling me he has asthma, I ask the receptionist to call his mum as I try administer air through the inhaler.

He’s still unconscious.

Totally panicked now! On the highest end of the panic chart!

I begin to remove his clothes because he feels feverey when I notice his jaw is shut tight. So I attempt to pry it open, each try resulting in him clamping down HARD on my finger.

Still..he's unconscious!

I then begin to cool him off with a cold compress(read his wet t-shirt). I notice that each attempt at prying his jaw open is easier, and eventually he takes in a deep gulp of air and..CRIES. And my God wasn’t that cry the best sound I've EVER EVER heard!!!

So he's sobbing weakly but thankfully now breathing,cooling down and sitting on his own.

His mum came shortly after and rushed him to hospital.

Drama doesn't stop there. His mum comes back at hometime & STORMS to where I'm standing-amidst other parents-and begins hurling insults at me. 

P.S she's from a Non-English speaking country so it was a mix between hilarious and scary.

 

I felt small.

But she brought him back after a week and explained the condition that he has-one where he'll constantly get unexplained fevers and so will need constant monitoring. And now her and I are now BFFs.

Sorta.

Kinda.

Not really.

Not at all even.

But she's cool.

And the boy is fine too.

And has never gone unconscious on me again.

The One Where *SINGS* If I Were A Boy

There's this child in the school where I teach. At first glance you can't quite tell if the child is a girl or a boy; not with the child's looks, nor the child's name. Only when you see the child sullenly sneaking into the girl’s bathroom is when you're like,

"Oh snap, what's that boy doing in girl’s changing room"?

I personally find her very cool; short hair, dresses just like a dude-never in dresses or those lame glass slippers the other girls giggle about. Always takes the guy roles in plays, plays soccer & basketball in the boys’ team, and sulks when put in the girls’ team.

Kind of reminds me of me when growing up.

Ok…Ok I lie.

BUT STILL!

I always wanted to be a guy when growing up (sort of still, maybe do..) and envied my brothers of all the male privileges they had.

Here are a few basic reasons I wished I was a boy:

1)      You can take off your shirt: growing up we'd go to the coast for holiday sometimes, and I used to envy how my brothers and dad would remove their shirts simply because they felt hot.

                                   

 I had to burn, and still cover up with a shirt because "I’m a girl".

(also I didn't want to be stalked, kidnapped and made into a child slave by creepy scary man..)

2)      You can pee standing: peeing for girls is tedious, it’s just a lot of work and I don't want to go into details.

But boys pee standing! How luxurious is that?

3)     Still slightly obsessed with the peeing story-You can pee anywhere: again on those road trips-I had to wait to get to a nice, clean, sanitized hotel if I needed to use the loo. My brothers stopped at any bush that they saw fit, and marked their territory. 

Grrr!

4) They stink: Boys don't have to shower! UNFAIRRR!!!! They stink & get away with it.

5) They can do anything-from hanging upside down above the thorn bush, to breaking a girl’s heart. AND get away with it. Sometimes with minor scratches!

6) They don't need to do their hair-They can shave bald all their lives, and still be tall dark and handsome.

We shave bald and are either "kinda lucky we kinda pull it off” or “OMG she’s dying soon..so sad" or "Are going through an identity crisis".

7) Female problems-need I say them??

8) Also, they don't get pregnant!

9) They don't have the crazy little brain gnome called ‘Emotion’ that basically directs everything they say and do. They have a happy gnome called 'Logic' ...who is logical!

10) They can climb trees