It’s back to work week for me on this side of the Sahara. Had
a lovely lovely holiday J.
The perks of the job. Also the downside of the job, because I get so used to
sleeping in, and not being so tired, that when I get back to work I have to
contend with such conversation.
People: What’s up?
Me: Nothing, just tired. Back to work guys.
People: Oh? Tired? Why? Don’t you just play with kids?
*cue pantomine music*
Me: *eye twitching, palm clenched, teeth gritted, froth
spewing from the corners of my mouth, lightning eyes*
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| This is my: You're Dead To Me Face |
What I should have said:
O.o WHAAATTTT!!! REAALLLYYY!!! If that’s what you think I do-sod off. We cannot
even have a decent convo together after saying that. Do footballers just kick a ball? Or C.E.O's just laugh all the way to the bank? Do news anchors just
reads the teleprompter?
Or butchers just cut meat? Wait, butchers do just cut meat right?
Still!!!! You think I JUST play with the kids?? Really? REALLY! Guess you're just a shallow simplistic not capable of using the left side of your
brain still developing homo-sapere…which you are!!!!!! ARRGGHHH!!!!!
What I say instead:
*polite sarcastic chuckle*…no no no…What with the whining, the crying, the
separation confusion, the depression, the sadness, the insistence on milk when
others are drinking juice, the clinginess-there’s barely a moment to rest.
People: (attempting sympathy) Oh, the kids are tiring you
out, huh?
Me: Actually, the kids are fiiine!! It’s the parents I’m talking
about!
Parents honestly can be a handful. Granted I’m not yet a
parent, there’s the notion that I don’t understand what they’re going through.
Right. I get that. But Jeez Louize the constant calls, texts, write to me, tell
me everything. Did they poop? Why didn’t they? Did you put sunscreen? Why are
they sad? Why are they crying? What did they eat? How did they chew? Are they
still crying? Oh no they’re not crying anymore, meaning they don’t miss me
anymore? I want to take them back home. But no I need them in school.
*SCREEEAAAMMM* *switches phone off* *switches it back on*. And on and on like
that it goes.
Honestly, honestly, the kids are fine. Awesome. Uncomplicated. They cry. They stop
crying. We talk. We’re friends. As for the parents. And I write this blogpost with all due respect. And also as a reminder for me when I become a fussy, emotional parent. Just today, I was discussing with fellow colleagues about
a particular parent who’s been in and out with bringing their child to school; asking my workmates if it's me, what I was doing wrong. The colleagues-both of whom are parents-reassured me that’s it's “Parent Separation Anxiety”or something like
that. Apparently it happens with first time parents.
I’ve often googled “How to calm a child down”, and all those
sites have proved extremely helpful. So, using those sites as references, I decided to compile a little “How to calm a
parent down” list. Teachers out there..take note.
1) Music-in the
same way kids calm down, shutup, or sing along when music starts playing, I believe
it would have the same effect on parents. So when a fussing parent begins their
tantrum, remove your phone and play them a song or two. Better yet, hand ‘em
your earphones & shoo ‘em away until their quiet.
2) Noise-jingles,
jangles, rattles, bells, finger snapping, tongue clicking (sound like a Lil
Wayne rhyme. No? okay..moving on).Snap your fingers as the panicked parents
speak, they just may get distracted, start giggling, grab your hand and start
biting it. If so, I have the number of a certain shrink. Or cop. Or a shrunken
cop(its rude to say short). Either way, you better call someone.
I have a little bell
key-holder and I love jingling it to the kids when they’re crying. Jingle your
bells for the parents, maybe it’ll calm them down. And now I see how weird that
previous sentence looks.
3) Light pat on the
bum-Hey, it works for the kids. Why not the adults? No, you there, judging
me..you, walking away..why not for the adults..
4) Movement. Sways,
swinging, bouncing, dancing, etc calms the kids. So just grab a parent and spin
them around. Grab your last paycheck too while you’re at it..O.o
5) Marijuana.
Just Kidding.
Really not kidding.
Oh snap, you're still logged in. You know I'm kidding. I'm anti-drugs you know. Thanks for reading.
End post.
Really wasn't kidding about the weed.
it works
At the end of the day (sometimes term), we eventually have calm parents. Then I get so baffled at how these parents ultimately trusted me with their kids. Through the good, the bad, and the crappy (lots of pun intended). And-I thank you, parents who are reading this, for accepting marijuana..err...I mean...accepting me as your child's teacher. For trusting me, and letting go. I assure y'all that I'll treat 'em like my own..:-). ION if any of you know of any flavoured weed, preferably that tastes of milk..or lollipops..you know for scientific research things.
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| Special Milk |
