The One Where 'When Life Gives You Lemons', You Realize Lemons Are Really Tasty, Especially In The Hot Lemon And Ginger Drink From Java

As you read this, hum Amy Winehouse'-Rehab. Or play it on the Harmonica. Or whatever rows your boat<<Actually maybe just play the song on a harmonica on a boat.

So I promised (nobody really) that I’d do this post just to say why I’m greatful for my 20-awesomth birthday this year (which was like a million years ago;this post was supposed to be up in March. But you didn’t know that. So too bad)(Ok I’ve seen what I’ve just done)(CRAP). Because, well, 2014 has been TERRIBLE to say the least. And that’s the least I’m saying.

But then, it has also been amazing. And that’s not the least I’ll say about that.

For friends who send silly audios. Some even grammy award winning.

For friends who understand silence, in all it's context.

For family that let you crash at theirs.

For friends that let you crash at theirs.

For strangers that let you crash at theirs O.o.

For children that tell you you’re fat, and mean it from the innocence and non-maliciousness of their hearts.

(guurrl bye. Let’s wait for the big one three to hit you)

For people that read this dumb blog. And laugh. And that laughter goes to show y’alls is as crazy as me :p

Cc Nduta,Solomon,Sheila Binti, Mwango, Whitney Wanderi, WangeShe, Wamuyu Tira, Ngibuini Mwaura,etc. Also if I’ve not put your name and you happen to get offended it’s because I’m rich and famous and rich and famous people do rich and famous things like forgetting names..

For food that makes you happy. Whatever that may be. (vegans and carnivores alike).

For loss, because you realize there’s a lot more to gain

For breathtaking views.

For books. That let you explore Paris, London, New York, Antarctica and The Alps.

For bikes. For the ability to walk after riding bikes for 16km. For the inability to sit after riding bikes. For the adrenaline that comes out of fear of being trampled on by a rogue buffalo on a bike. Not the buffalo but us.

Generally bikes? Never have time for that! Mwango and Doreen-WE ARE STRONG!! Also, we may never walk the same again :-D

For tears. Coz it’s okay to cry. If crocodiles do it..

DISCLAIMER: As if you couldn't already tell. I didn't draw this crocodile. The one I drew sorta looked like a sheep with like a long green tail and wings. A Sheecrobird!!!

and you know crocs is one of the strongest somomabishes in the jungle.

For Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Whatsapp.

For annoying family who are really REALLY all you’ve got.

For people who understand. For people who understand.

For Support.

For those who say I love you. And mean it.

For Baby Steps.

To the rest of 2014.

*raises non-alcoholic glass* *the contents inside I mean, not the glass* *are glasses even alcoholic or non alcoholic? aren't they just glasses* *Ok I know there’s like a wine glass and champagne flute...but* *ok this has gone too far now* *raises glass with non-alcoholic liquid inside?* *for those who know me you know why* *laughs awkwardly*

The One Where It's Just Emotions(also The One With My First Vid \o/)

So I'm tryna ease my blogposts in to more comic vlogposts (vlog sounds like such a dirty word. Like, "I spilled vlog all over my top" or "you shoulda seen that vlog I left in the loo today morn") and other silly more interesting vids.To make life more interesting. Unless you're content with my writing a paragraph then squiggling stuff as the illustration.

Disclaimer: The editing guy(me) didn't do too well with the final product. But budet,aye?

Disclaimer 2: Also, the sound editor/mixer(me and me)are on leave(and I don't think they're really on leave, I think they're shirking their duties. Honestly, because one of them told me, "I got a forward saying if I move from the couch and let go of the remote,Jesus will be very upset with me and so someone somewhere may choke on their coke. I don't want to be in charge of someone choking. I knew you'd understand". Luckily,the stand in sound guy(me) came through last minute so there's some sorta music.

Disclaimer 3 : Don't expect no James Cameron or Christopher Nolan.

Disclaimer 4: I doubt this will win an Oscar. YET. Heck I'd settle for a Razzie. Or even just a random dude shaking my hand and saying that my blog is the last option of blogs to read on a boring day. Yes, I'd settle for that.

Disclaimer ya last: during editing some of the pages merged into each other,coz they're friends like that. Then by then it was too late(Read:I was too lazy)to edit. So what I'll do is also post the real post after this. Deal? (y)

Anyway, hope the video works. If not GO DIE...T..yeah change your diet #HealthTipOfTheDay...ok kidding, just let me know and I'll see what can be done. You can come to my digz and watch it with me from my flashdisk :-D

Laterz Haterz<<<OMG the kid for WuZ @p has invaded my vocabulary.

  

The One With The Slide

There’s this little child, a girl, about 2 years 10 months old. She’s sorta new to school and the school system and so hasn’t quite adjusted. She's alright :)

So once during play time I happened to observe her so I could be able to see how she’s settling in. I noticed she loved to run around and jump and crawl and follow the other children who knew the ropes (literally) around the playground. Anyway, I also noticed she had this peculiar peculiarity about her. And it got me thinking, 

“what’s for lunch today”. 

What is for lunch though?

Anyway, little girl would climb the steps up the slide with such eagerness and fervor and joy and other words that mean the same as the ones I’ve written, then once at the top, she’d freeze. She’d panic, look at me, look at the kids below, look at those behind her, pushing her-eager to get their turn, then start wailing.

She did not move until I got to her and helped her slide down. Once she had slid down (with my help) she would eagerly clap, and satisfied I’d go back and sit down. Only to watch her skip back to the slide steps and climb that long climb again. This time I thought she was over the initial apprehension and trauma but the same routine occured. Again.

And again..

And again, 5000 times again..

I told her to go play somewhere else. “Go to the play house or the sand pit”. Yet still she’d come back to ‘THE GREAT SLIDE'(which is pretty much the length of me..or slightly longer..idk..I suck at measurements)

If I was those people who gather deep meanings out of everything I’d probably quote:

‘Life is a slide. Climb up knowing you will eventually need to come down’

Or

‘If you’re scared of the great slide, don’t climb the ladder’

Or

‘Life is a giant slide that scares the crap out of us’

Or

‘Life is short. Why keep going back to the stuff that scares the crap out of us?’

Thankfully I’m not. If I was, this post would really just be a cheesy, awkwardly deep but really quite shallow sort of post, and you’d be forced to like it because everyone else likes it and has shared it as #Deep, and you’d wonder why you’re not as deep as everyone else yet everyone else likes it and thus is much deeper than you.

I just wrote it because the little girl made me laugh and think, “Human beings in general are quite silly. If she’s scared of the slide then why does she keep climbing it”.

*UPDATE* more recently I observed her again and saw her climb up the slide with confidence and slide down with even more confidence (too much really, she almost toppled over). Feel free to conclude whatever moral of the story you want.

The One With The Creepy and Innacurate Kiddie Songs

Kindergarten songs are the best! They all have simple rhythms and often mention the colour blue (see what I did there). They are fun and the kids love them, and you find yourself loving them too. And humming them while in a serious strategy meeting.

 

 But also, they can get really weird. Like Quentin Tarantino meets Children Of The Corn hugs M. Night Shyamalan and goes to visit Barney and The Teletubbies weird.

For example. See below.

:::Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. Why did I eat those worms?
Big fat juicy ones,
Teeny weenie squeenie ones
See how they wiggle and squirm.

Chomp off their heads and squeeze out the juice and throw their tails away.
Nobody knows how I survive on worms three times a day:::

It doesn’t end there friends.

:::Eugghh goes the first one

Eugghh goes the second one

Why did I eat those worms?:::

P.S. the person is throwing up those worms.

Honestly what good and meaningful lesson can we learn from this song?

I get we’re going all organic but yo!!! Worms? Never ever!

Then there’s this one about elephants (by the way many many songs are about elephants. And crocodiles. But mainly elephants).

:::1 elephant went out to play

Upon a spiders web one day

He had such enormous fun

That he called for another elephant to come:::

 Errm. Not only is an elephant jumping on a spiders web. Or swinging. Or whatever ‘upon’ means. But also, the elephant has so much fun that he trumpets his trunk and messages:

El. 1: Hey

El. 2 ‘Sup

El. 1:whatchu upto?

El. 2: nuthin’. Jus’ chilling.

Was thinking of heading

out to the mud hole..

El. 1: if you up to it

I have a better plan..

It may be a bit illegal though..

El. 2: I’m listening…

El. 1: there’s this spider

web down by the creek...

A spider’s web? Really? Generally, elephants need to play at a place that can hold about a million tons of weight. So a spider’s web? And why don’t we mention the spider’s trauma and subsequent depression, maybe even suicidal tendencies, at coming home to find his home utterly trampled on and destroyed?

Another one about elephants.

:::Ohhh once I met an elephant on a sunny day

What did I do? What did I say?

I said good morning elephant, how do you do?

I’m pleased to meet you elephant I’d like to dance with you:::

Ermm. There are so many concerns with this song.

Ermm 1: Where do you live? Are you just casually on the way to work and you happen to see a stranded elephant with no bus fare and you’re like, “hey, how do you do? Need help?”

Ermm 2: What? Elephants are like one of the most dangerous creatures ever. Give me a lion any day (really just a big cat). But what’s an elephant-a big grass eating monster? It doesn’t even eat meat so it’s just angry and irrational and stomps on us then goes on to have its vegetarian dish. I can’t.

Ermm 3: If I did meet an elephant upon a sunny day, which is a possibility, say if I’m on safari, I’d get out my camera and take pictures. Then drive off. Not get out of the van and DANCE WITH IT. Dancing, in and of itself, is an awkward task.

But with an elephant? Many couples don’t dance together despite their undying love for one another. So why I’d put myself out there and take a risk (of rejection or being trampled to death) and tell an elephant, “I’d like to dance with you..”.

What if it’s in a committed relationship? What if its significant other hears and gets jealous? I think a jealous elephant is worse than an angry one.

What if it, like, wants to be more than friends O.o? It’s all too risky.

Perhaps if we create our own realistic kiddie songs. Like here’s an idea.

:::Elephants are scary run run run.

Don’t dance with them it’s not fun fun fun.

Go to school and pass your test.

And if you get shot hope you have a bulletproof vest.

Some days you’ll be happy, some days you’ll be sad.

Some days you’ll meet someone really really bad.

He’ll steal your purse and run away.

Please don’t let that ruin your day.

Also don’t go to the cops because they’ll be mean and probably jail you for being robbed and abuse you and ask you for money even though you’ve just been robbed:::

Kids’ll love it!

Don’t ask elephants to dance. Please.